Learning to Trust

It has been a while since I have written. Many things have been going on. To much...Life itself tries to overwhelm me if I am not careful. I have found that God is forever faithful and I can go to Him and He someway helps me to get my footing again. I am encouraged today for what I have been through mentally and emotionally lately. I have wanted to go somewhere and just scream from the top of my lungs at times the last few months. I do not know if it would help or not. I do not think that it would. I have learned though to depend on the Lord more. Also know that He is in control and I need to depend on His wisdom. We have been personally going through some difficult times financially. I mean bad. I have learned that I have to focus on the Lord and keep my eyes on Him and not the circumstances that I see and are experiencing. That is so difficult but I am trying to learn. In Matthew it says that if we seek the kingdom of God first that all these things will be added to us. Sometimes I have felt like I couldn't breathe. It seemed as though I was drowning. The pressure has been so great that it has been hard to not just sit, cry and withdraw from eveything and everyone. But I trust Almighty God. In Is. 43:1-3 says that God would be with me through the fire, waters and whatever may come in my life. He has already been there. He will go through it with me. Nothing can overtake me if I stay focused in Him. He is our source and supply. Over and over he gives and gives and gives. He said to prove Him and see what happens. I believe that when He said that He knew He would have to come through. He also said that if we would bring our tithes and offerings into the storehouse that he would open the windows of heaven and pour out a blessing that there would not be room enough to contain it (paraphrasing of course). Isn't that grand? I am so blessed. I am standing on His word and taking Him at it. What He says He will do. Thank you Lord. I love you.

Thankful

We are never to old to learn. God has given us that gift if we decide to receive it. We learn everyday something new. This week I have been listening to Keith Moore on the Believers Voice of Victory. Wow, how awesome he has been. He has been teaching on Thanksgiving Victory. He has said that "You can't see the miracle when you see the problem." We gripe, complain and grumble about everything. It was an eye opener for me. It stirred my spirit severely. I have decided to stop looking at the problems in front of me. I have been praying for many things for months now. God has heard my prayers. I know that He has because He said that He does and that He will answer them. Keith said that we need to stop crying and complaining. We need to start giving thanks. To start the prayer off by saying, "Thank you God for..." I have been doing that all this week. Boy, has it changed my way of thinking and has given me hope. It has given me peace. Don't walk by sight. Walk by faith. The way to do that is to start by giving thanks even though things look bad. It was so hard for me to start doing this. But I started. In
1 Sam. 1:7,8, Hannah would go to the temple everyday. She cried and wept. She sinked into a deeper depression because she could not conceive. She had a hard time believing because of her situation. Unbelief is an evil preditor. It can rob of you so much in your life. Jesus is the light. We must move forward, toward the light. When we concentrate on what we do not have, we miss what we do have. We are so blessed with so much. I was starting to have a hard time seeing it because I was focusing so much on the problems and situations before me. All I could see was that I did not have the money to buy groceries, pay a bill that was overdue and life with my family. All I could see was desperation and sadness. I was losing my joy because of my feeling sorry for myself. This study has changed me and the way I was thinking. "Thank you Lord for helping me to see what I was doing wrong and helping me to change it." The problems may still be there at this time but that doesn't change who God is. It will get better. God has promised in His Word that He will pour out a blessing from heaven and that we will not have room enough to retain it. Wow. Just think about it. The priest saw Hannah everyday, finally spoke to her and gave her word. She immediately got up and just started thanking God and became joyful. She went home and became a wife to her husband, took care of her household and gave thanks. She received word. She was not with child, yet. She decided to have a thankful heart. When she had changed her mindset, she soon became pregnant. With her thankfullness God blessed her. A prophet was born. He became a great man of God. When Hannah stopped crying, her breakthrough came. The devil loves us to stay where we are at because we do not progress. He hates progress in our spiritual walk. He hates it because he cannot control it. I have choices in life. I have the choice to resist anything that he throws at me. I cannot stay in self pity and feeling sorry for myself anymore. It is a dangerous thing. It robs us of our blessings and our joy. It strips us of everything that God wants us to have. I have decided that I am going to change. I am going to get my mind and heart off of the problems. I know that God will appear and will deliver. I am not going to gripe, complain, cry, and feel sorry for myself anymore. It's deadly to me and my family. God has ignited a fire in me. Wow! Thank you God for helping me to see. I am victorious. My family is victorious. God is my life, strength and my redeemer. Praise the Mighty name of Jesus. Thank you Jesus.

What do you do?

I remember when Wayne and I were newly married. I loved to go see moma and daddy. I lived just an hour away from them but I went to see them once a week at least. I would call and just say hi. I loved my moma and daddy. I loved to see them and talk with them. Whenever we had a big decision to make about something, we would ask them and Wayne's parents for their input. They would always give us sound advice. Wayne and I have always been close to our parents. They were so part of our lives and we made sure that they were in our boys lives, also. There were times that we experienced things that we thought we could not get through. But our parents were always there for us. They would pray and listen to us. We somehow made it through. When Wayne went through his depression, his parents were there for him. One time we went home to see them. It was just he and I that went. We walked in the house and he sat on the couch. He started to talk about what he had been going through and just started to cry. His mom went right over to him and started to pray and she held on to him and loved him. Parents are the best. I wonder, how you go on everyday and see your children struggle with things that they have experienced in life? How do you reach them to tell them that things will be alright? How do you help them when they are in a deep valley trying to climb their way up that steep mountain? What can you say to help them realize that they do not have to be alone? When your son or daughter is no longer a child but a grown man or woman, how do you let them know that you are still there for them? How can you get them to realize that you love them and want to help them, to hold them? You want to share things with them and be close but sometimes they won't let you near them. What do you do? I have prayed and cried for my boys for a long time. They are great kids. I would not want to change anything about them. They are wonderful men of God. I believe they follow God and listen to His voice. They are leaders of their homes. I am proud of each of them. Even though they are blessed by the Lord the y still struggle. It is so hard sometimes, when I see them go through spiritual fights that I do not know how to help them fight. All I can do is pray for them. I believe our parents did for us. We have got to surround our family with prayer. In Psalms, David said, that "God was a very present help in the time of trouble". I believe that with all of my heart. God is so good. He has proven Himself over and over to Wayne and He has been faithful, everytime. What happens to any of us, does not change who He is. I have been through the loss of both parents and a grandbaby. We will make it. Our sons will make it. Our family will be alright and we will make it. It is hard but we must keep praising. It might be with from our lips for a while, but if we keep praising, it will eventually come from our heart, if we stand faithful. Praise God!

Seasons

The leaves are falling more now than a couple of weeks ago. The trees are so beautiful. Reds, yellows, burnt orange cover them like a breath of fresh air. They stretch high above the earth as if saying, "I am so proud of what I am. God made me and I will ever praise Him". Hearing the sounds of children playing, the rustling of the leaves moving so gingerly as the wind tosses them about, makes you take notice of God's beauty. I close my eyes and listen to the sounds. It is so calming to my soul. Oh, the majesty of it all. God Himself spoke it all into existence and He said it was good. He did it for us. How can we grumble and complain? How can we not know the Creator of all of this? He love us so much. He cared enough about us that He desired to paint us a picture so that we could look upon the beauty that surrounding us. Sometimes we do not see it because of the clutter that is in our lives. "God, forgive us. Forgive us for not seeing your beauty and how you had lovingly placed everything in order for us. We can't see it. You are doing a new thing in our lives and some of us can't see it for the clutter. Help us to put the things that do not even matter, aside and love again". We need to capture the fragrance of the Most High God. Look upon His face and focus on Him. The beauty will come back. You will see it. Seasons do change. It is time to change with it and pick up and go on. We need to stop grumbling and complaining and see God. Just see Him as He is.

My Oldest

My oldest son, Jonathan will be getting married Nov 21st. He is marrying Alejandra. She is sweet and loving. She has such a peace about her. She loves the Lord and it shows through her actions and love for others. Jonathan and Ale (We call her that) are good together. They are very happy. They really take care of each other. It makes my heart feel easier knowing that Jonathan will be taken care of. I pray that they will be happy, blessed and have many years together. I pray that they will be as happy, as Wayne and I have been the past 33 years. Marriage is so wonderful when you are with your soul mate. It makes a difference when you serve God and put Him first in your marriage. Then each other. The children come next. Wayne's mother (Pat) told me one time, that you need to always make time for each other through your marriage. Go on dates and spend time with each other. Be best of friends because one day you will have an empty nest and it will be just the two of you. You have to know that you have a good relationship and love to carry you through to the next phase in your life. We still have Nathanael, our 16 yr old, with us. He is so great. He loves music and is concentrating right now, making a CD, of him playing songs on the keyboard. It won't be long till he will want to move. That will be hard for me because he is the baby. But I will get through. Wayne and I are the best of friends and I guess always have been. We love being with each other. He still makes me laugh. He is so precious to me. How I know that he was the one for me, is because God placed that love in my heart for him a long time ago. He is the best thing that has happened in my life besides the Lord and my children. I am so blessed. Thank you Father for your blessings on me. My cup runs over. I have 3 wonderful sons that I love so much and a precious daughter-in-law and another soon to be daughter-in-law. What more can I ask for? My house is full and filled with love.

Happy Anniversary Dad and Mom

Today was Dad and Mom's anniversary. This year would have been their 60th. After 12 years since dad's passing, mom has gone home to Jesus. She and dad are celebrating it again together. I dreamed about her the other night. She had her red dress on and she was dancing and praising God. She looked so happy and free. She looked at me and just smiled. Her hair was dark again. It flowed around her shoulders. She twirled and just floated it seemed. I sat there captive. She wasn't sick or gasping for air. She was full of life. Thank you God! I think God allows us to dream like that to help us heal. Seeing her like that, made me feel better about her leaving. Oh I know that I will still have my times, but that's alright. I know in my heart it won't be long till we shall meet again. I have that assurance. Wayne in his sweet way said that they just changed their residence. He is right but I still miss them both. Happy Anniversary Dad and Mom. It must be wonderful where you are. Until we meet again. I love you.

Our House

Donald, my oldest brother, called and said that there was someone wanting to buy mom and dad's house. That is such a marvelous thing. Since being the executrix over mom's estate, it has been hard to oversee that things go well. With me being 3 hrs away it has been very difficult to do. Donald , Debbie and Jan has helped me with checking up on things with the house. They have been such a blessing to me. I will never be able to express what that has meant to me. It has been such a burden for us. Keeping the appearance up as well on the house has been difficult also. It is such a cute house. I hope that we have done well and that mom and dad would have been proud of the way we have handled things. I know that they are gone but part of me still wants to feel like they, in some way, would be proud of us. A few of the kids have not helped at all but that is alright. I am not going to worry about something that I cannot fix. God is a better choice to take care of that. I am rejoicing in my heart anyway. God is still on the throne and knows exactly where I am at and what I need. Thank you Father. I love you.